Placentophagy

FB-placenta-box

So… People eat placentas. Apparently it’s a healthy way to celebrate the birth of a newborn. In my mind’s eye I see a happy young couple, the mom slightly pale and sweaty from the birth and the more important after-birth, and the bearded top-knotted baby-daddy (placenta-daddy?). I see them happily in love, shoving placenta into each others mouths like they did their wedding cake not too long ago. Maybe they even seal the little bloody snack with a crimson kiss.

Maybe they wait a bit. After all, the baby needs to be weighed and measured (and proven worthy). The skin to skin happens. You don’t want your newborn’s first vision to be its parents snacking on whatever nutrients the little tyke hadn’t eaten before following the light at the end of the tunnel. So you wait. Typically the nurse sends the left overs down to the lab, but in this scenario the dad grabs her wrist, hunger written in his eyes, and just asks her to put it in a doggy bag.

I wonder how they prepare it, assuming they don’t eat it raw (which, after all, would be the natural way to do it and that’s what this is all about, right?). Do they fry it up chips and fish style? Maybe make a placenta stew? It might work best as a chili. Or even better—Cook it up with some angel noodles and Prego sauce (pun definitely intended with the brand name…) and voila! Splagenti.

Actually I know someone who had it put into capsules (I would assume in a powder form) and downed them like pills. This seems non-committal to me.  Like, I want to consume my own flesh but can’t stomach what originated near said stomach. I wonder if it has any addictive properties. I had an Uncle who used to crush his pain meds and snort them and I imagine this young mother doing likewise. What is the world coming to when women are snorting their own placentas? Not even the good old apocryphal apostle John could have imagined such a future.

I wonder if they save it in the freezer like wedding cake so they can thaw it out on our little buddy’s first birthday? At this point you’d almost have to prepare it appropriately. Maybe they eat it raw while it’s fresh and then do splagenti at this juncture? Of course you could dry it like jerky I guess, and it would keep pretty well. The options really are endless.

We’d been debating on a fourth kiddo, but now… Now I’m curious. Please leave a comment on your favorite way to enjoy placenta. Post your traditional recipe. Better yet, dig through your Instagram photos and show us what we’re missing!